Rambling Bits.

Everything in my life, is falling apart. I'm can feel the skin of my sanity winched tighter every day that I'm not working. Every day I clean, I walk the dog, I watch mindless tv, and I wait for any of several people to tell me that my life can be something more again.

Admin at The Agency screwed up again and I have yet another month-or-two to wait for work with them. TNR await a seperate CRB, and in all probability, since they appear to know what they're doing, they'll have it before The Agency get theirs, despite T.A having a 2.5month headstart.

Universities are slow at responding, and India's call is getting louder and more frequent, but I know that uni is the better option, long term.

It's not just the act of my life that's broken. The List Of Broken Things in the house this week is as follows:
My stereo
My MP3 player
The cable to my laptop
The hot tap in the kitchen
The washing machine
The oven
The tumble dryer
The washing line outside
The roof - although this is now fixed, thanks to the clever workmen.

It's ridiculous. We're running out of stuff that works. Some of it's just too expensive to fix, some dad's determined that he or I should be able to sort, but he never gets around to explaining how, and I'm not the most adept at DIY tasks.

No time for a longer post. I must hand-wash some laundry and lay it out on the patio to dry(radiators are taken up with other people's clothes; I should have got up earlier). Thankfully the sun's out, so I can relax as I stand guard over my clothes, lest the locals decide to take off with them.

You Don't Mind If We Re-schedule?

I realised something this week, something I guess I've always known, but somehow tried to ignore: most people's world revolves around them.

People expect everyone else to view their lives as important as we'd like to believe it. We like it when people take an interest, when they remember the details; of course we do, it validates the human God-complex. What makes me sad - and rather confused if I'm honest - is that for most people there's very little give and take.

And whilst I go out of my way to put people, other people and their needs ahead of my own shit, whilst I try to make people feel valued, to do what I can to help whether I know a person or not, and to do it when I say I will, the rest of the world continually shunts things-to-do, shunts other people around to fit their very important lives. I don't get it, it doesn't make sense. As far as I'm concerned, other people's problems, other people are always important, always worth spending the time on, and stuff that's just for me can be juggled around. But it seems the rest of the world would disagree; their latest trauma, the person they'd rather be with, or that thing that they'd rather be doing, is always going to come first. 'People'll understand, right? I mean, unless my stuff isn't important to the person, unless I'm not important; in which case why should I waste my time on them?'

I could never presume that my stuff matters more than someone else's, but I do wish that, once in a while, I could be seen as something other than the person you can put off, because I'll understand, and I'll always be there. I'm getting sick of being shunted around. I wish that I occasionally made it onto the priority list, that you'd make me important too.

One day, I might not be here for you, either. What would you do then?